Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Odd

Overcrowded mind cluttered with thought
Unable to enjoy the life I once sought
Money may rain
But passion's like pain
Destroying the soul
When you let it take control

(I hear whispers in the dark, telling me what I don't want to hear)

Worlds around me spin
The darkness gets in
Wanted you to know my name
Now slave to the fame
No meaning to love
No prayers heard above

(Overpowered by the shadows, my soul searches for light)

Falling to my knees
All the third eye sees
Is trouble ahead
But I made that bed
Confusion consumes
But my life resumes

(No matter if I stop living, the world just keeps on spinning. Odd)

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Sins of the Mothers

Never loved but given life
Birthed to the whore never the wife
And somehow expected to grow in grace
Too ashamed to lift their faces
To the sun

Sins of the Mothers
Fall on everyone


Saturday, November 7, 2009

Advice to the Emerging Artist

Since I published Soul Kiss, and started blogging more often, I've been approached by several spoken word artists, poets, and writers to act as a mentor. To be honest, there is a lot of information out there--a lot of folks giving pointers on how to get published, how to perform, etc. They even tell you how to react to the first "rejection".

Some people will tell you "Don't self-publish or use a vanity press because a real publisher won't take you seriously after that." Others will tell you that self-publishing shows that you believe in your work enough to finance it yourself. As for me, I say self-publishing is great for poets because the truth is that poetry is one of those specialty markets. Not everybody is going to want to read that stuff, so there aren't as many book publishers actively searching for poetry as there are searching for novels. As a matter of fact, much of what you'll find in directories is book publishers who won't deal with poetry at all. So, publish it yourself, promote it yourself, and if you like being on stage, perform it yourself.

What many, especially younger performers, are looking for is the stuff that they don't tell you. That homegrown mama-talk before you leave home kind of advice. On the surface, especially to the elders in the community, these may seem obvious. Some of it you might not hear or see elsewhere, so pay attention.

1. Never edit poetry to suit other people's tastes. On the flip side of that, especially if you're like me, don't try to edit other people's poetry.

The first lecture I attended in Atlanta was given by Ntozake Shange. She talked about some of her books, including "For colored girls who've considered suicide when the rainbow is enuff..." and If I Can Cook, You Know God Can (which had just been published at the time). When she opened the floor for discussion, I was too shy to ask a question so I waited until afterwards when she was signing my copy of For colored girls... before asking if she had any advice about getting published. She looked at me, smiled, and said, "Never edit poetry. It is not open for discussion. Don't edit it, and don't let anyone make you edit it."

A few years later, I was in a rap group called Exotica, and we were getting ready for a show, but there was one problem: our band was a group of orthodox Muslims, and while rehearsing with us wasn't a problem, they did not want to be on stage with us rapping about sex, drugs, violence and crime (it was positive rap, nothing gangsta, but still not something they could be associated with in their community). Plus, any parts in the songs where there was profanity was a problem as well... that was even a problem for me because at the time I was on a Praise Team at the church that I attended. In any case, our band refused to play. While attempting to come up with a solution, I suggested editing the songs so that they'd be able to accompany us. One of the drummers said, "No, we are not going to bastardize that man's art like that. Don't ever try to do that again. We'll have to find another way."

His saying that reminded me of Shange's words and made me realize that it worked both ways. Don't edit your own poetry, and don't edit other people's. If the audience relates to it, then it's for them to relate to. Whoever does not relate, it wasn't meant for them. Ultimately, it is up to you to express and the audience to interpret for themselves.

2. Always be gracious. One of the greatest testimonies to the life of Michael Jackson is that everyone who worked with him said that he was "So pleasant, such a gracious person." "He was a true professional, a perfectionist, but he was always so nice." You want people to say that about you. What you don't want to hear is, "She's a great artist, but such a bitch," or "Oh god, what a prima donna".

This is especially important when things don't go as expected. My first performance as part of a group that headlined an event came when I was pregnant with my first child. It was a concert that was a part of a three day long Gambian festival, and I was exhausted. I did not realize that a concert's headliner goes on stage last. So, in the time that we waited I'd grown tired, hungry and grumpy. I tried to take a nap backstage, and some of the other performers started trying to hit on me. I tried to sit unnoticed in among the audience, and everybody wanted to know who I was. The noise was giving me a headache, the air was stale and sweaty, the lights were too low and then--

"Finally, coming to the stage, DJ Zee and Rainbow International!!!"

We went to the stage. I picked up a microphone, and started to sing, "Hold on to Zion, Mother Africa, here we come again." But I couldn't hear anything. I mean, I knew I was singing, but I couldn't hear myself. Great, just great, the mic doesn't work, I thought. So I sang louder, "Hold on to Zion, Mother Africa here we co-ome." The crowd was cheering wildly, my head was spinning. I tried one more time, before getting frustrated and dropping the mic, walking off stage, and going to lie down on the sofa. At that moment, Zee ran to the stage chanting (a dancehall reggae form of singing) like a madman, and eventually one of the guys backstage convinced me to go back out. When I did, the crowd got even more excited and I continued the performance without incident, even though I still couldn't hear a thing I was saying.

Afterwards, Zee introduced me as his wife, and everyone who hadn't met me yet wanted to talk and shake hands. I probably gave them a look that would have killed them all if looks could do that. That didn't seem to bother them, although once I had time to reflect, I regretted my behavior. Especially when I found out the microphone did work--but the speakers were turned to the audience, not to the stage. (Doh!) They're supposed to hear you, you're not always going to hear yourself.

Always be gracious. I cannot stress that enough. Whatever goes wrong behind the scenes: lighting problems, issues with your publisher, the beef you have with your lead singer--none of that is the audience's fault. Stuff happens, they don't have to know you've had a hard time. I learned to always be gracious, because you never know who you're ministering to when you're putting things out there. It surprised me the number of people (including a Gambian nurse at the hospital where I had my first daughter), who came up to me for years after seeing me perform who said, "Thank you so much, that song that you guys did really spoke to me."

3. Don't date your coworkers. Consider your publisher, background singers, lead singer, the band, the dancers, the choreographers, producers--all these folks who work with you--OFF LIMITS. There are several reasons for this. Among others, if you become successful, there will always be those who say (especially if you're female) that you "slept your way to the top." Also, dating performers makes you look like a groupie, especially if you don't "hit it big".

Another reason to not date these people is that it becomes harder to concentrate on the professional relationship. (I dated two choreographers, and still can't dance. LOL) Then, when you break up, it is very difficult to keep the professional and the personal separate--even more than when you were together.

There's more that I want to say, but this post is getting a little long, so I think I'll reserve a few pointers for another post.


Sunday, November 1, 2009

Flowin' on the Currents

Current projects:

1. Editing my second book. I'd said that the love story that I've been working on, Banana Moon, would be my second published work. But I changed my mind (I never can seem to make up my mind in the first place), and decided to go on and finally publish Children of a Lesser Light--a book that I've been working on for about ten years now. Seriously, it's taken that long to first of all, get over my fear of putting the work out there and second of all, to get the storyline laid out the way I wanted it. The characters were easy enough to develop, and other concepts flowed freely. The final hurdle will be releasing it to a publisher to get accepted or rejected. I think part of the fear that I have of doing that is a basic aversion to criticism that I will eventually have to get over.

2. Building a website. I've been working on building a website for my writer's group/social network The Full Has Nevah Been Told, but the truth is, I just don't have the patience to figure out how to use the software! It's a shame, I tried for a good couple of weeks, before I just gave up on the idea. Didn't really give up altogether, just put it aside I guess. Honestly, I need help. Any volunteers?

3. Writing some poetry to record. I've been wanting to get back in the studio for a while now. It's funny, I spent about 3 years of my life in Atlanta doing background vocals or lead for a couple different groups, and have NO RECORDINGS to pass around. To be sure, I did have a couple of demos that I misplaced in the process of moving. And other people actually have videos of a few of my performances. I just don't have any. So, at some point between now and January, I plan to get into somebody's studio and record a few pieces.

Current Playlist:

1. New Amerykah (Erykah Badu)
2. The Colored Section (Donnie)
3. Journey Through The Secret Life of Plants (Stevie Wonder)
4. Testimony 2: Love and Politics (India.Arie)
5. I Look To You (Whitney Houston)
6. Blacksummer's Night (Maxwell)


Current Reading List:

1. Crucify Him: A lawyer looks at the trial of Jesus by Dale Foreman
2. Countering the Conspiracy to Destroy Black Boys by Jawanza Kunjufu
3. Soul On Ice by Eldridge Cleaver
4. The Leroi Jones/Amiri Baraka Reader
5. Revolutionary Suicide by Huey P. Newton

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Poets are people too
Beautiful--not always
Kind--not usually for
They say what is on the tip
Of your tongue that you
Cannot, will not give voice to
Honest truths untold for fear
Poets are brave even when afraid

Beautiful I am
And in the sunset
Sweet whispers find their way
To my love's ears

Poets are people too
Gods with the pen, all too
Human when they close
Their eyes for they dream
What cannot be and it makes
Them long for what is not
The perfect world, the
Love perfected
The extinct resurrected

Beautiful I am
And when I salute
The risen sun I
Give thanks for all
That is to come

Poets are people too
Beautiful--sometimes
Kind--perhaps
Strange--to some
Understood by a chosen few

Do I look like a poet
To you?

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Face the Sun

Attempts at movement seem futile I
cover my
Head hope the
Sounds of
Birds fluttering wings in my
Head stop hope
The singing of morning
Shuts up I
Don't think I
Can face
The
Sun

Alone again finding myself
I
Roll out
Of bed crawl almost
Walk, kind of
Remember
What am I trying to
Think what
I have to do
Tears fall
Pain overtakes the
Soul of
I

Face the
Sun
Rise
Shine

Raining in my soul
Water falls down
The face of I
Don't think
I
Can face
The
Sun

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Your Spirit Will Bear Witness

One of my cousins recently came to me for some spiritual advice, but first asked me the question: Do you still have God's anointing on your life? Now, knowing that I teach people that the Spirit of the Creator is within all of us, of course any who know me and know my teachings well will know that my answer to that question is always "Yes". However, I qualify that to the ones who don't know by telling them that whatever the Spirit tells me needs to bear witness with what the Spirit tells them. In other words, I'm not going to come with any new revelation and if I do, then it will still open up a remembrance within the person--there will be a point in which the person snaps his or her fingers and says, "You know what, I knew that!"

Well, tonight I received confirmation of that very part of my teaching. Not that it hasn't been confirmed before by individuals who've come to me and said, "You know, I knew you were going to say that. But I understand it better the way that you said it, so thank you." I was listening to this seminar by Bishop Xavier, the son of the late Rev. Ike, about prosperity and happiness. None of what he was saying was anything I hadn't heard or taught before, especially now that I'm studying classes on metaphysics. However, one thing that he said really caught my attention. That is, when talking about the Word of God being equal to the thought vibrations on the words that we speak, he said that we are to be "Conscious co-creators" of the world that we want to manifest.

Now, again, anyone who's known my teachings also knows that I've taught the same thing for a while. It came to me in the form of a somewhat erotic piece of poetry that illustrates the same concept. I know that this is the "Clean Version" blog, but keep in mind the words of the Apostle Paul that "To the pure, all things are pure..." as you read and judge my words.

Conscious Co-Creators Dropping Seed on the Earth Below

Together spirit beings we find

Within ourselves the creative principle of

The Father planted his seed in the realm of Earth

Our mother and we burst forth like Him

Being, knowing infinitely the wisdom that was

Birthed in and through The Omniscient One

Having been formed in his image we call forth

The world that is ours and we create

Consciousness in our own beings that

Takes shape in the reality of this plane

So I therefore think it not blasphemy to

Say that when you are inside me

From your being you ejaculate forth the very

Spark of divinity find in my being the

Divine seed of creativity and we conceive spirit babies

Bursting forth from the open womb once a tomb

For broken promises,and empty lies you brought forth

Life dropping your seed into my earth realm

Making real the promise that we made

We conscious co-creators come together never

In lust but in love we drop seed to the earth below

Watch our creation take shape and grow and we

Cultivate the world around us whatever we need

We say let it be and as the Divine One works in

Our creative beings, we bring forth from the earth

Life and it is good

Light and it is good

Love and it is well pleasing to the

Conscious Co-creators, the workings of divinity bursting forth

From within populating the earth below with

Ones like ourselves.

As the bishop continued to speak, all that he said rang true within me. He teaches, as his father taught, that the Soul is Christ within, and that Christ is the part of us that realizes that we are one with God. This is why all that belongs to God belongs to man--and that's regardless of religious belief or lack thereof. We all have a part of the Creator within, and therefore the right and responsibility to manifest the world that we want around us with words and thoughts. Oddly enough, though, I realize also that such things are sometimes easier taught than lived. I have the same tendencies as others to manifest negativity, and block the blessings that the God in me wishes to make happen around me. However, with the knowledge of being a co-creator, we can begin to take hold of those thoughts, and put them under submission to the Word of God. That is, the positive vibrations that create that which we wish to see happen around us.







Friday, August 14, 2009

A Funny Observation

"Them that's got shall get, them that's not shall lose/So the Bible says, and it still is news..." (Billie Holiday, "God Bless The Child")

I noticed the funniest thing about me, that may be true of other women as well. That is, if one woman shoots a brother down in the presence of other women, it's kind of like he's marked. Nobody else at the club, party, or website wants him. Seriously.

"Hey, lady, what's your name? Maybe we can get to know each other...can I get your number."

"Hell no. Get yo triflin', good for nothing self out mah face!"

So, he goes to the lady across the room, who was scoping him out at first, but then...

"Hey, lady, how you doin' tonight. I noticed you from across the room and..."

Before he can finish, she walks away.

Or she says:

"You seem really nice, but I got a boyfriend. Sorry."

Or

"You know what, you're not exactly my type."

Or

"Leave me alone...SECURITY!!!"

I swear, it's the same online. Brothers, when you comment on a sister's page, and she responds with a rejection, here's a tip:

ERASE IT.

Lol. I kid you not. I realized this just now, when I took a look at my Myspace page. I got a couple of friend requests, and on one I saw that the guy and I had a couple of mutual friends. Nice looking fellow, but when I looked at his page, saw that he was 23.

ST--EEE--RIKE ONE!

Went a little further down, and saw the first three comments from his baby's mom. "When you comin get your son? I need to know..."

Baby mama drama publicly played out. He ain't takin care of business, and she's puttin it out there? Ugh!

ST--EEE--RIKE TWO!!!

And a little further down, one after the other:

"I told you we can't talk, I got a man."

And

"No, I don't wanna have a conversation with you. Leave me alone!"

And

"You're ugly. I'd rather not..."

ST--EE-RIKE THREE! YOU'RE OUT!!!

Before I realized what I'd done, I'd gone back to my friend requests and clicked on 'Reject'.

A darned shame. Seriously, though, fellas, survey the room before you step to a female. If you notice one scopin you out, you go to her first. Talk a moment, offer YOUR phone number...she's more likely to accept and possibly reciprocate. Then go to the cuter one you saw that you really wanted to step to. You'll be more confident, and it is possible that she'll have noticed the pleasant exchange between you and the other girl--sparking a bit of interest, maybe even a bit of competitive envy.

As for online interactions, don't make a public comment about wanting to get with her. Send her a note, especially if it's Myspace. That serves two purposes: first of all, you can look at your outbox on that site and see if she actually read it, and second, if you get a rejection, it's private--not public.

In other words, don't let public putdowns diminish your image.

Monday, August 3, 2009

The Struggle Continues

"For we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." (Eph. 6:12, KJV)

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities,against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (Eph. 6:12, NIV)

Metaphysical meaning: Heavenly realms = the mind, the consciousness. To wrestle, or struggle in the arena of the mind is to fight the inclinations to do that which is not godly. That is, to follow the desire to feed the hunger of the lower self for lust, revenge, and all manner of things not conducive to elevation.

If we wish to elevate the outer Self, that is, to bring ourselves to the places that we want to be in life, we must allow the Higher Self--the God in us--to prevail in every situation. That is, we must bring into subjection all things in the carnal body that would go against the spiritual.

The struggle contnues...

Going Ghost

"One of these mornings, won't be very long/You will look for me, and I'll be gone..."

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Optimistic About the Days to Come

There are so many opportunities arising for me right now I hardly know where to begin. I got some good news about one of my children's books, "Love Yourself". It started out as just a family history to help my little ones tie themselves to world history (by highlighting famous, infamous, and other notable relatives), and became a universal Afrikan children's story. Instead of just one book, I decided to make it a series of books. Anyway, someone has offered to publish the series! I'm excited because I explained to him that I want realistic illustrations of Afrikan life, and he suggested using photographs instead of drawn illustrations. Between the two of us, we've hatched out some wonderful ideas that should be brought into fruition by the beginning of next year.

I've also been working with this brother who's producing other forms of children's entertainment. He's asked me to do some promotional work for him, which while it won't make me rich, looks like it'll pay off big. I help him bring his products to the south, he helps me get back into business for myself. It's a winning situation all around. I'll be posting more info on that really soon.

As for the old personal life (lol), things have been working themselves out. You know how Lauryn Hill sang, "What you want might make you cry, and what you need might pass you by if you don't catch it..." ("When It Hurts So Bad")? Well, I've seen enough crying to last me a lifetime. Let's just say I'm not about to let what I want get in the way of what I need this time. Not going into much detail on that, just putting it out there.

Well, that's it for now. If you need me, I'll probably be playing Biotronic on fb. Lol. Later!

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Adoration




Adonai mine
Big brown eyes
Embrace
Fire rain
Pleasure
Pain
Love, worship, adoration

Arms draw me
Ever closer
Darkness envelopes
Bodies
Rhythmically
Dance
Love, music, healing comes.

Adonai adoring
I barely
Breathing
Draw closer
Fire
Rain
Lost in
Earth



********************************************************************************************************************************


Beautiful Sun
Lesser light born
Eyes find in you
Knowledge of the One
Love everlasting
Merge with the sky
Stars dim in your
Presence
Planets revolve
Moons bow down

Beautiful Sun
Dawn in the twilight
Images of you dance
In my mind
Painted portrait
Of your
Smile
Embeds itself
In my soul.

Friday, May 29, 2009

At a Loss for Words

I need a muse...

Ok, so I was in the middle of working on my second book, Banana Moon, when I realized that I was seriously suffering from a lack of inspiration.  I suppose it started before then, right around the time my poetry went from being subtly sensual to being halfway pornographic.  But at least then, I was writing something.  I've reached a point now when even the prompts on Writersdigest.com have failed to produce the necessary stimulus to get my creative juices flowing.  In other words, I'm stuck.

I hate being stuck.  Not only is my book suffering, but my freelancing isn't going so well either.  It's been like two months since I've written an article.  Hell, it's been about that long since I've finished a thought in my blogs.  I guess it could be stress, along with all the things going on that I'm not at liberty to write about.  I mean, usually I'm pretty much an open book, but these day...

I could always...

In the midst of a fit of artistic desperation, I briefly considered writing a tell-all about the "conscious" hip-hop community.  But then, two thoughts kept me from moving forward with that:

1.  The betrayal of some very deep friendships could create more bad karma than I need, and
2.  Who the hell would wanna read that?  I mean, seriously...

I was also thinking about publishing the book I'd written about Malachi York and the Nuwaubians.  But again, I had some cool peeps in that community, and pissing him off (again) could be more trouble than I need.

Love life? What love life?

I guess part of the problem is that Banana Moon is, for the most part, a romance.  I hadn't had much inspiration in that area since he left. (He being the flavor of the past few months...will I ever settle down?)  I mean, I started dating again, got some pretty cool fellows on the radar...but to be honest I haven't really wanted to go out.  Isn't that sad?  Truth is, I miss him dearly, and I'd go to the ends of the earth--or the swamps of Florida, as it were--to be by his side if I thought he'd care.  From his behavior up until the time he drove away, it appears that he doesn't. 

So, for those who've been wondering...

That's what's been up with me.  I know that this phase will pass, and when it does, I'll be writing again.  Until then, be blessed!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Wishin' On a Star (originally posted on My Life's Soundtrack January 29, edited for the clean version)

"I'm wishin on a star
To follow where you are
I'm wishin on a dream
To follow what it means

And I wish on all the rainbows
That I see
And I wish on all the people who
Really dream
And I'm wishin on tomorrow, pray
It'll come
And I'm wishin on all the lovin
We've ever done..." (Rose Royce, "Wishing On A Star")

Every morning, while waiting for the bus, my son becomes somewhat of a philosopher. Asking a lot of 'what if...' questions, trying to imagine a future based on choices that we could make or on abilities that we can gain. There is a lot going on in that 5 year old head of his, and even when I don't tell him what's going on, he is always able to discern when I am truly happy or when I'm sad and smiling through the pain.

One morning, while I was in the midst of depression, he said, "Mommy, I wish we could make magic. Then you would be soooo happy!"

I smiled, thinking of what I'd do to the men who made the mistake of getting on my bad side.

*sigh*

"No, David, I don't think that would be such a good idea."

Yesterday, it was:

"Mommy, you need to get married."

"Why, David? What do I need a husband for?"

He smiled, a hint of sadness behind his eyes showed.

"Hugs, Mommy, and kisses."

What could he possibly know about a woman's need for affection? Seriously, how does he know that kissing him and his sisters is different from kissing a man? I suppose observing the differences between the way that I am affectionate with them, and the way I'm affectionate with men shows a difference in dynamics. Still, it is interesting to me that he should be able to separate, at his age, the difference between familial love and the love between a couple.

In any event, I didn't want to think of such things. I told myself I would stop wishing and focus on what is, the tasks at hand, my life as it is.

"OK, David, but what does that have to do with anything? I can kiss and hug anyone."

"Yeah, but love, Mommy. You need love."

He smiled again. That sad, exasperated smile that he gets when I just don't understand.

"And somebody needs a daddy."

These are the difficult moments in my life as a single woman. I mean, on the one hand, I love the freedom. Seriously. I can do what I wish, with the limitation of course that I cannot purposely hurt others. Be with whomever I please, and not have to answer to any of them. I can be the biggest player in town, or sit back and enjoy divine solitude. As long as I take care of my little ones and other responsibilities, my time is my own.

But conversations like this one really remind me that I am not just a single woman, I am a single mother. I cannot help wondering if perhaps I was unduly selfish in deciding to have children without being married. I love my children dearly, don't get me wrong. But when these questions come up, I begin to doubt my ability to give them all that they need.

This morning, we were outside once more. Freezing our butts off waiting for the bus when David saw the fluffy white head of a dandelion stalk sticking up from the ground. He picked it up, and held it up to me--his eyes shining.

"Mommy, look, make a wish!"

"And I'm wishin on all the rainbows
That I see
And I'm wishin on all the people we've
Ever been
And I'm hopin on all the days to come
And days to go
And I'm hopin on days of lovin you so."

Wishing. I try so hard not to do that these days. I mean, I can plan and I can meditate and I can make things happen. But wishin means that you want something that God did not plan for you to have. Honestly, if it's that far out of reach, and no matter how often you beg, the answer is still 'no', wishing can only lead to discontentment and unhappiness.

Still, I don't want to disappoint him. I look into his eyes, see his big smile that looks so much like mine, and I blow as hard as I can watching little dandelion seeds float away in the wind.

A few of them still hang on to the stalk.

"Do you think it's good for one more wish?" I ask.

"Yes, of course. I'm gonna wish for CAKE!"

The rest of the seeds float away into the distance.

Posted by Ekklektia at 8:23 AM 0 comments

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Shamir

(I first posted this piece in a private group on Blackplanet.)

Shamir...
Your name immortalized in song
My heart sings to you
I long to
Feel what I did when you were near me
Calling your name now,
Love, do you hear me

Shamir
I see your eyes
Staring at my soul like my skin's
Not there
See heaven and hell in your stare
Everyday you brought me there
Shamir

My life was crazy with you
Going insane without you
Nightly visions I dream I'm inside you
Waging war inside you

Shamir
The Immortal
In your soul burned eternal fire
Hot like my desire
For you, 'I was consumed and
I swear I didn' care
Shamir, my love,
You were leading me to hell

Then you left me
In the middle of the road
Knowing that my very soul
I would have sold
Just to hear you call my name once more
To feel your breath brush my ear once more...

Shamir, my love
I cry for you
And I know you do not love me
The thickness of your lust has consumed me
Till nothing of me is left
But this intense desire
And this song my heart sings

Shamir....

Shine Forth

Evening finds me deep in the valley
Enveloped in the darkness
I sing and my voice
Becomes the light
I am my voice
I Am light
And the darkness
Comprehended it not.

Word wrapped in flesh I am
Love is light personified
I Am love and love is all
God is Love and Love is all
I Am God and God is Love
And Love is all
I Am All

I am meditating in the depths of the valley
Allowing spirit winds to pass
Over around through me
I breathe in life
Life breathes in me
Breath becomes a vehicle
Transports me ever upward

Elevated above all troubles
My voice shines forth
I then stand still and know
That I Am
The essence of beauty
The essence of life
Light personified and
I am good.

I sit at the foot of the Holy Mountain
Drink cleansing water from the
River flowing down
I am the river
I am the mountain
I am love and love is all
I Am All.

Shining forth in the realization
That I Am Divine
I light my own pathway to walk through
Knowing that I have all that I need
Because I AM All that I need.

And the darkness
Comprehended it not.

Monday, March 16, 2009

I Believe In Me

"I believe in ... me. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves “who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?” Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do... we were born to make manifest the Glory of God that is within us. And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."(Attributed to Nelson Mandela)

I was thinking about something that a friend of mine said as I was writing in my other blog. He basically told me that I'm a very good writer, but not using my social networks to their full advantage to promote my work. He asked me why none of his friends know about my blog, and told me that he and T should not be the only ones with access to my best stuff.

To be honest, he's right. I mean, I've publicized everyone else's work. I got a pic in one of my BP groups that is a testament to my promotional skills. It's of this fellow poet reading a book that I recommended.

Yet there are no pics of folks reading a book that I wrote, and I did write one.

Honestly, I was looking at my first book and realized that the reason I don't promote it more heavily is because I really don't like it. I mean, I'm a pretty good poet. That I know. Yet, some of the poems I put in there quite frankly, I don't like. I have half a mind to unpublish it, but I won't do that. Instead, I'll make the next one a better effort. I know that one day, I'll be very well known for my writing, and that first book will be worth more than the $10.00 it's selling for on the I-proclaim website.

In any event, I think that my few faithful current readers deserve to know what I'm up to these days.

  • While I don't plan to make the other Soundtrack blog public again, I am going to use some of the themes--love, life, loss, moving on, etc.--in my first published novel. I had said I'd put out something else first, but decided to finish my love story--Banana Moon--instead. I will not publish this one with I-proclaim. What i will do instead is send it to a few better known companies and if it gets rejected, I'll probably trash it.
  • I am working on several speculative fiction works, including one I wrote several years ago called Children of a Lesser Light. (That one is about a black vampire cult.) I am also working on one called Before the Beginning about the concept of soul ties.
  • I will get back in the studio. Probably won't try doing rap again, but I will record some of my better poetry. And I'll let folks know when I do.

So, that's the game plan. I know that with my wild imagination, and natural talents, I will go far. Because I believe in me, I will stop hiding behind shyness and self doubt, and start behaving as though I know that I can succeed.

Friday, March 13, 2009

I Am A Soul



I am not my hair, I am not this skin...



I am a Soul that lives within!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Now Everywhere Is War!

"For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." (Ephesians 6:12)



From the sayings of Emperor Haile Selassie I (Jah Rastafari):
Last May, in Addis Ababa, I convened a meeting of Heads of African States and Governments. In three days, the thirty-two nations represented at that Conference demonstrated to the world that when the will and the determination exist, nations and peoples of diverse backgrounds can and will work together. In unity, to the achievement of common goals and the assurance of that equality and brotherhood which we desire.On the question of racial discrimination, the Addis Abba Conference taught, to those who will learn, this further lesson:
That until the philosophy which holds one race superior and another inferior is finally and permanently discredited and abandoned; That until there are no longer first-class and second class citizens of any nation; That until the color of a man's skin is of no more significance than the color of his eyes; That until the basic human rights are equally guaranteed to all without regard to race; That until that day, the dream of lasting peace and world citizenship and the rule of international morality will remain but a fleeting illusion, to be pursued but never attained; And until the ignoble and unhappy regimes that hold our brothers in Angola, in Mozambique and in South Africa in subhuman bondage have been toppled and destroyed; Until bigotry and prejudice and malicious and inhuman self-interest have been replaced by understanding and tolerance and good-will; Until all Africans stand and speak as free beings, equal in the eyes of all men, as they are in the eyes of Heaven; Until that day, the African continent will not know peace. We Africans will fight, if necessary, and we know that we shall win, as we are confident in the victory of good over evil. – Haile Selassie I

It is not good enough to fight racism, sexism, ageism. It is the attitude that certain groups of people are better than others that we must war against. In my time joining and participating in movements for black liberation, palestinian liberation, women's liberation--I've realized that it is the mentality of the people that must be liberated in order to experience true freedom.

It is an attitude--a spirit if you will--that seeks to destroy the very ones it exalts. Because we need each other to survive on this planet, the philosophy that holds white people superior to black, and men superior to women, eats away at us every day. Our people are dying every day at the hands of crooked police officers, at the frontlines of conflicts that we shouldn't even be in, on the streets chasin' paper because skin color has excluded them from gainful employment in some areas. And the anger that dwells within has bubbled over. We're attacking each other, those who don't look like us, and anyone else we feel responsible for the condition of the world today instead of the real culprit.






It is attitude that is the enemy, not our fellow people. It is the attitude that has for so long kept them in power, and us out of power, that needs to change before conditions can change.




It is the attitude that any human being can own another human being that needs to change. Marriage and dating should not equal female enslavement. Your children are not your punching bag.

We wrestle against this attitude every day, lest we all perish.



We must learn to live, and allow others to live. This is fundamental to our existence as people. No one person or group of people is better than any other. Noone deserves to be enslaved, abused, ostracized or excluded.

I've been meditating on this for a while now. I talked to a friend about the purpose of war, and the need for nations to survive.

It is my core belief that all have the right to exist and to thrive, but not at the expense of others. I don't think that the Israelis have any right to occupy Palestine. I think that when the British and American governments came up with that brilliant idea, they should have come up with some money to pay for the land they were taking away.

That's what I think.

I don't think we should be occupying Iraq. We've already overthrown Saddam and thrown them further into chaos.

But I have mixed feelings about the principles that the U.S. claims to be bringing them. Democracy is a good thing, letting the people rule rather than a dictator. They can treat their women better despite the prevalence of Islam in their culture as well.

That's what I think.

In every situation, people have so many things to say but noone wants to listen to anyone else. So we move forward in ignorance, acting out of our assumptions rather than examining all the facts. We move forward in fear, the natural progeny of ignorance, killing and destroying others because we don't know who they are but fear their ill-intentions.

Clutching our purses when a young brother approaches, moving to the other side of the street if he reaches out his hand...

Only to trip on our shoestrings halfway across because he was only trying to say, 'Sis, tie your shoe.'

Looking suspiciously at the Arab on the plane, sneering at the Mexican working at the factory. Who made us better than they? Who made us the judges?



One Creator created ALL. One is higher than you or I. Only one has the right to give or take life. To cause to exist, or to not exist.

We can say what we want, but until there is justice for all, there will be peace for none.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

I'm Ready

"Wanna wake up, know where I'm goin', I'm ready, I'm ready
Wanna go where the rivers are overflowin, I'm ready..."




After 8 up and down years, of love and loss, relationships that didn't last,abuse, neglect, disrespect--I think I'm ready to move on. Eight years of not getting it right. Struggling, rather than doing right in the first place. Eight years of drama--and most of it not even on stage. How'd I let it get so crazy?

"I'm ready to let the rivers wash over me..."

I'm ready, to take his hand and let him lead me out of this present darkness. I am. I've made the decision to let the previous life be the nightmare/comedy/tragedy whatever it's been and move forward.

I AM NOT AFRAID.

For once in my life, this change doesn't scare me. For once, letting go of the people and events that have caused me pain won't feel like an amputation.

I think I was starting to get addicted to the drama. Why else would I have let people who continuously hurt me stay in my life, and push away those who've been good?

Why else would I let folks get in my head and make me feel like less of a woman?

Why else would Zee, Adrian, Leon, and Will ever have happened?

I'm ready to make a clean start. I mean it. That doesn't mean that all my friends and former lovers are on the cut-off list. It does mean that I'm evaluating some of my present and past relationships, and those that are onesided will have to change.

I mean it.

I'm ready to start all over. I know that there will be misunderstandings, breakdowns in communication, growing pains. I know that to live means to grow, and to grow means to change and sometimes change is uncomfortable.

I can't wear the same pants at 5'4" that I did at 4'5", now can I?

And I can't make the same mistakes in '09 that I did in '08, now can I?


As Aries approaches, I can feel the fire burning away the edges of my foolish existence, and I welcome it. Once the fire burns away that which is not needed, that which is left will shine forth like pure gold.

I'm ready.

I will go to the river, dip my feet into the cool water, and let what is left of the shame, guilt, and misery be washed away.

I'm ready.

Can you step out on faith with me? Can you, too, say that you are ready?

I'm ready to let the rivers wash over me...

Why Another Blog, You Ask?

Yeah, I know what you must be thinking.  Her crazy ass must have a blog for each of her split personalities.

Uh huh, didn't know I could read minds, did ya?

Seriously, though, I call this one the 'clean version' because I'm starting it with a clean slate.  The past is the past.  Any thoughts about it will be written elsewhere.  This one is all about the present (truly a gift), and the bright future that lies ahead if I can just make it through one more day.

I'm not going to lose the other blog though.  I mean, that drama can be used, I think.  I'm gonna turn it into a novel.  LOL. But don't worry, names and events will be changed to protect both the innocent, and the guilty.

As always, it's all me.  I'm still committed to being honest about thoughts, feelings, and events.  This is just me moving forward instead of being stuck.  

Enjoy!