I'm Ready

"Wanna wake up, know where I'm goin', I'm ready, I'm ready
Wanna go where the rivers are overflowin, I'm ready..."




After 8 up and down years, of love and loss, relationships that didn't last,abuse, neglect, disrespect--I think I'm ready to move on. Eight years of not getting it right. Struggling, rather than doing right in the first place. Eight years of drama--and most of it not even on stage. How'd I let it get so crazy?

"I'm ready to let the rivers wash over me..."

I'm ready, to take his hand and let him lead me out of this present darkness. I am. I've made the decision to let the previous life be the nightmare/comedy/tragedy whatever it's been and move forward.

I AM NOT AFRAID.

For once in my life, this change doesn't scare me. For once, letting go of the people and events that have caused me pain won't feel like an amputation.

I think I was starting to get addicted to the drama. Why else would I have let people who continuously hurt me stay in my life, and push away those who've been good?

Why else would I let folks get in my head and make me feel like less of a woman?

Why else would Zee, Adrian, Leon, and Will ever have happened?

I'm ready to make a clean start. I mean it. That doesn't mean that all my friends and former lovers are on the cut-off list. It does mean that I'm evaluating some of my present and past relationships, and those that are onesided will have to change.

I mean it.

I'm ready to start all over. I know that there will be misunderstandings, breakdowns in communication, growing pains. I know that to live means to grow, and to grow means to change and sometimes change is uncomfortable.

I can't wear the same pants at 5'4" that I did at 4'5", now can I?

And I can't make the same mistakes in '09 that I did in '08, now can I?


As Aries approaches, I can feel the fire burning away the edges of my foolish existence, and I welcome it. Once the fire burns away that which is not needed, that which is left will shine forth like pure gold.

I'm ready.

I will go to the river, dip my feet into the cool water, and let what is left of the shame, guilt, and misery be washed away.

I'm ready.

Can you step out on faith with me? Can you, too, say that you are ready?

I'm ready to let the rivers wash over me...